Kyle Quotes

Stan: Oh my God! They killed Kenny!

Kyle: You bastards!

Kyle: [singing] It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas. My Friends won't let me join in any games... And I can't sing Christmas songs, or decorate a Christmas tree... Or leave water out for Rudolph 'cause there's something wrong with me... My people don't believe in Jesus Christ's divinity... I'm a Jew, a lonely Jew... on Christmas.

Kyle: You are all just a bunch of ass-ramming uncle fuckers!

Kyle: Let me have some candy, Cartman. 
Cartman: Let's see, hmm, nope, I don't have any Jewish candy. 
Kyle: Fine! Like you really need all that chocolate, fat boy!

Cartman: Hey dudes! 
Kyle: What's the matter Cartman? 
Cartman: It's this V-Chip, I hate it! I can't say any dirty words 
Kyle: Really? So you can't say Fuck? 
Cartman: No! 
Kyle: And you can't say Shit? 
Cartman: No! 
Kyle: So you can't say I'm Eric Cartman the Fattest fucking piece of Shit in the world? 
Cartman: FUCK YOU! 
[gets shocked by the V-chip] 
Cartman: AHHH! 
Kyle: Ewwww... Sweet!

Stan: Hey, guys. Do you know where I can find the clitoris? 
Kyle: The what? 

Kyle: Come on, Ike! Kick the baby! 
Ike: Don't kick the baby. 
Kyle: Kick the baby. 
[runs and kicks Ike through a window] 

Stan: I can't wait for Miss Ellen to see what a raging lesbian I am! 
Cartman: I'm a bigger lesbian than you! 
Stan: No, you're a fatter lesbian than me! 
Kyle: Screw you, guys, I am King lesbian!

Cartman: Kyle, they're going to say "shit" on television. 
Kyle: I don't give a fuck. 

Cartman: You seem a little irritable Kyle. You got some sand in your vagina? 
Kyle: THERE'S NO SAND IN MY VAGINA.

Kyle: Michael Bay gets to keep making movies and Cartman gets his own theme park; there is no God. 

Cartman: You know, maybe we're not seeing Heaven because one of us is a J-O-O...? 
Kyle: [Beat] What does me being a Jew have to do with anything? 
Cartman: Because Jews don't believe in Heaven! 
Kyle: Yes, we do! Just not the Christian Heaven. 

Cartman: Right; your idea of Heaven is getting five dollars off your matzoh ball soup at Barney's Beanery by lying about a hair in it. 
Kyle: YAAAAAAH! 
[Punches Cartman]